


Rabbits: Habits, Diets, & Other Facts

by HGRising



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: 2014 schweinski holiday fic exchange, M/M, Rabbits, Schweinski, Schweinski Holiday Fic Exchange, mein hase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-03-03 03:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2836769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HGRising/pseuds/HGRising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fact: Rabbits have extremely strong hind limbs which allow them to leap great distances. They can jump up to one meter high and three meters long.<br/>Prompt: “Mein Hase”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dementia_hormones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementia_hormones/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [关于兔子你该知道的一些事：生活习惯、饮食以及其他](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3565721) by [gracefully insane (linlang7625)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/linlang7625/pseuds/gracefully%20insane)



> A/N: I can’t stop seeing Basti as a bunny now…

**Rabbits: Habits, Diets, & Other Facts**

.

They ran around the pitch to warm up.

The others were focused on finishing, but Lukas was entranced by the brief flashes of Bastian’s sculpted thighs whenever his self-cut shorts rode up _just_ enough to allow him to do so.

His muscles flexed and extended with each powerful stride, and Lukas found himself heating up far quicker than he usually did when he was alone in London.

Tearing his eyes away from temptation, he caught the challenge in Bastian’s visage. A quick exchange ensured a less quick meeting in the showers. He sighed, hoping they wouldn’t get caught. Again.

Bastian sped up without warning, making bounds and leaps away from Lukas. Lukas was forced to follow, admiring his grace and agility from behind.

_*Rabbits have extremely strong hind limbs which allow them to leap great distances. They can jump up to one meter high and three meters long._

.

Bastian fixed Lukas' tie, adjusting it with a critical eye even after the professional stylist had proclaimed him perfect.

He ran his fingers through the silvery wisps, and Bastian smiled in response, head nuzzling into his palm. He gave his palm a small kiss and continued fiddling with his suit, smoothing his hands over imaginary creases.

_*Rabbits are affectionate social animals that enjoy the company of other rabbits. They perform allogrooming where two individuals will simultaneously groom each other._

.

Lukas finally let Bastian convince him into spending one night at a club in exchange for something _else_. He even let Bastian dress him in whatever Bastian deemed appropriate. After getting over the brief setback during which Bastian dressed him only to end up undressing him, Bastian took him to a supposedly popular nightclub in the sleepless parts of the city.

So far, he didn’t understand the appeal. He didn’t drink. The music was too loud. There were too many rude people. The few people who appeared nice didn’t dare approach him. But, he supposed, most people would be unnerved by a six foot, hundred eighty pound bodyguard staring them down.

“We should go again tomorrow night,” Lukas casually suggested as Bastian led him by his hand towards the exit.

Bastian sulked petulantly, wrapping his arm around Lukas’ waist as they stepped out and throwing dirty looks to the other patrons.

_*Rabbits are territorial animals which live in loosely organized social groups._

.

_-Hope the meeting goes well! I miss you... It’s been a while since we got to talk._

He sent the text hours ago, but Lukas hadn’t had the time to respond, rushing to get the proper arrangements done and ignoring the calls from his manager wondering why he wasn’t at his _own_ meeting. The subsequent messages from Bastian that said more of the same almost broke his resolve, but he knew better than to ruin the surprise.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he ran up the steps, his overnight bag bouncing against his back.

_-I know you’re really busy now, but do you think we can Skype tonight? After you sort everything out? :(( I really miss you._

He doubled his efforts, precariously skipping four or five steps at a time. When he came to a familiar door, he raised his hand to knock twice.

He heard shuffling behind the door, a sharp gasp, and an exclamation of surprise.

“Luki!”

Lukas smiled shyly. “Hey, Basti. Sorry I’ve been so busy. You wanted to talk?”

"I just really missed you," Bastian admitted, looking guilty but touched by his unannounced visit.

"I missed you, too."

He leaned for a kiss and stayed close. There was no desire for personal space when they were with each other.

_*Companionship is key to the welfare of rabbits._

.

“Let’s go to an amusement park,” Lukas suggested as soon the rain had cleared.

It wasn’t the best weekend for Bastian to have come to visit, and while they enjoyed their time together, Lukas knew Bastian hated being cooped up in his apartment.

_*Just like humans, rabbits become bored if their environments remain the same, so they can benefit from variety and occasional change of scenery._

.

“Nah. I’m comfortable here,” Bastian said, spreading himself across Lukas. He laid his head in Lukas’ lap and grinned up at him.

 _*However, a wild rabbit’s survival depends on an intimate knowledge of its surroundings_.

.

“I scored a free-kick,” Bastian told him, beaming with pride.

“I saw. It was amazing, Basti,” he praised, staring fondly at him through his laptop screen.

He would’ve liked to have seen it in person, but he chose to stay in his own personal hell. He was determined to show Wenger that he was committed to the team and deserving of a spot in the starting eleven. Fortunately, Bastian understood and supported him in between his vocal denouncing of Wenger.

“So… what do I get this time?”

Without much thought, he asked, “What do you want?”

“What do I always want?” He asked with a cheeky grin. He leaned back to rest against the headboard of his bed in anticipation of his reward.

Amused, Lukas rolled his eyes, pulling his shirt off over his head and winking at his screen.

He would’ve liked to be there in person, but this would have to do. 

"Just that?"

"You get more when you score another goal."

"Deal," he agreed immediately.

Good thing Bastian was simple.

_*Not many people know that rabbits can be trained. Those kept as pets can really benefit from reward-based training._

.

He saw a flash of light blond hair round the corner into their kitchen.

Standing in their living room, he spotted the damage of leaving Bastian alone in their apartment hanging overhead. The ceiling looked like a forest, green leaves with charming red berries sprinkled sporadically throughout. Poisonous if not careful. He had hung the explicitly forbidden mistletoe in the time it took for him to finish his fool’s errand of picking up fresh cream.

“Just in time,” Bastian stated, carrying in a bowl of freshly cut strawberries.

There was a notable lack of clothing under his apron.

“Dessert?”

Lukas reached out to touch him, catching only the apron strings, his present stood unwrapped before him.

“Look,” he said, pointing up and just out of reach. “Mistletoe.”

Playing along, he remarked in a wondrous tone, “How’d that get there?”

Closing the gap between them, he kissed his beautiful smile, setting the bowl off to the side.

_*Rabbits can be very crafty and quick._

.

He felt an arm snake around his waist, pulling him closer. Bastian’s arousal pressed against him in a manner he couldn’t deny was enticing.

“Are you serious, Basti? It’s three in the morning.”

“But we’re both awake.”

Even in the dim lighting of not quite night and not quite dawn, Lukas could see Bastian’s cocky grin. He _felt_ it against his neck as Bastian chuckled. Feigning annoyance, he retorted, “ _Now_.”

“You’d make me take care of this myself?” He pitched his hips forward against Lukas, needy.

“Mein Hase,” Lukas exhaled contentedly in resignation as Bastian persuaded him with open mouthed kisses. Sharp spikes of arousal penetrated his foggy mind, dragging the rest of his body to consciousness.

Bastian breathed hotly against his skin, already moving his way down Lukas’ body. His fingers glided down the planes of his stomach, enjoying the feel of taut muscle under soft skin. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

His clever hands worked him through the soft fabric of his boxers before divesting him of everything that kept them from getting that much closer to skin on skin.

“Just cute,” he grunted as Bastian eagerly turned him fully onto his back.

He settled in between his thighs, gripping them with confident ease. Lazily smirking down at him, he remarked, “Guess I’m lucky you’re into cute.”

_*These mammals are known for their insatiable reproductive habits for good reason._

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rabbits: Habits, Diets, & Other Facts**

A/N: Partly based on [this post](http://fromyouraveragegirl.tumblr.com/post/125292114159/ladyofthehouse-hime-bun-the-face-of-regret) about bunnies & head fondling & dominance.

.

**More Facts**

.

Standing in front of his mirror, Bastian turned his head from side to side as he inspected his hair. He had been growing it out since the World Cup ended months ago, and now, it was the longest he’d ever had it.

He pulled one jar from many on his bathroom counter and opened it.

The wax smelled like apples.

Pouting for the mirror, he rubbed some light wax between his hands and ran them through his hair, styling it to the side like he usually did.

There wasn’t a hair out of place, but he still felt unsatisfied.

Experimenting, he parted his hair the other way to see how it looked.

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t what he was looking for either.

He tried pushing his hair back.

No luck.

He pushed it forward, made it spiky, even contemplated dying it again.

Nothing seemed to please him.

Giving up, he dragged himself to his room and snatched a red and blue beanie off his dresser. He pulled it down over his hair. Catching his reflection in his vanity mirror, he grinned.

He left his house with a spring in his step.

After practice, Bastian checked his phone. He saw a couple of messages but read the one from Lukas first.

_-How was training today?_

‘Good.’

_-I liked your selfie from practice today._

‘Like my new beanie, too? ;)’

_-Yeah. Looks good on you. So… how’s my little thief doing?_

‘Missed you. But I’m okay now. :)’

_*Watch out for over-grooming, especially with a rabbit on their own, it could be a sign of boredom and depression._

.

Lukas tried to ignore the way Bastian was running literal circles around him as he warmed up. He had been trying to talk to Kevin and assuage his fears regarding relegation and a player’s eligibility to play for the national team, but Bastian kept trying to cut in between the two of them until he finally told him to be quiet. However, at this point, he was regretted not telling Bastian to stop altogether as he felt the onset of a headache with each passing circle.

He knew Bastian wanted to monopolize his time since they hadn’t seen each other for months, but this was beyond childish. He and Kevin had been talking for only five minutes so far.

Yet, Lukas conceded, this wasn’t something Bastian _wouldn’t_ do, especially if it involved Kevin.

Half listening to Kevin’s concerns, Lukas finally decided to do something about it and covertly gestured for Bastian to stop.

Unfortunately, Bastian stopped only to throw one arm over Lukas’ shoulder as he appeared by his side.

Lukas pretended not to notice, but he could tell that Kevin did and was puzzled by Bastian’s clinginess.

Naively, Kevin suggested, “Uhh, maybe we can talk later?”

“Hey, great idea for once, Doener. Good job.”

Lukas pinched the bridge of his nose. “Basti, stop. Kev, it’s fine. Ignore him.”

“But, Poldi,” Bastian whined.

(Except, whenever Lukas called him out on his whining, Bastian said captains didn’t whine, they demanded. So, he didn’t whine, he demanded. Bastian _demanded_ Poldi’s attention.)

Lukas didn’t budge.

But, Bastian didn’t give up either. He whispered loudly into Lukas’ ear, “C’mon, Poldi. Let Kevin talk to Jogi about it.”

Sensing the welcome nature in his voice, Kevin scratched the back of his head and said, “Yeah… maybe I should. Thanks for the help, Poldi.”

Kevin ran away before Lukas could call him back.

A little angry at Bastian’s selfishness, Lukas bit out, “What is it, Basti? What did you want that was so important?”

Instead of appearing ashamed of his actions, Bastian grinned like he’d been waiting all day for Lukas to ask. Pulling him closer so only he could hear, Bastian succinctly declared, “To fuck.”

_*When your rabbit runs around your feet or around another rabbit, he is displaying his intention to mate or is trying to get your attention. Sometimes males that are not neutered will run around their object of desire in one direction up to 10 times or more, then run round in the opposite direction for the same number of circles. This is them laying claim to the rabbit as their sexual property._

.

“Get off me, Basti,” Lukas mumbled into Bastian’s chest. He didn’t particularly dislike his position, but he felt the need to show some protest at least.

“Say it.”

He locked his arms around Bastian’s waist. “Say what?”

“I’m the captain.”

“Well, you are the captain…”

“Good. That’s a good start.”

He buried his face into Bastian’s skin and breathed deeply. “So, what does the captain want to do?”

“Let’s sleep in.”

“Can’t.”

“Let’s sleep in,” he repeated.

“We’re meeting Philipp and Claudia for breakfast.”

“We’re sleeping in.”

While Bastian stayed adamant, Lukas searched between the sheets for his phone and sent a short message of apology and plans to reschedule to Philipp.

“Okay,” Lukas acquiesced as he hugged him tighter. “We’re sleeping in.”

When Lukas woke up feeling refreshed two hours later and in the same position as when he fell asleep, he was glad that Bastian made the decision.

_*A rabbit may sit on top of another rabbit’s head to exhibit their dominance; the other rabbit may likewise try to do the same. This behavior is especially common in bonded pairs._

.

Unable to concentrate while Bastian repeatedly called for Lukas to help him start dinner, Lukas gave up on reading and set his book open onto the coffee table so he knew where he had left off for later.

The last sentence he read was: _Rabbits are very tame and not demanding. They make very little noise so bothering your neighbors will not be a concern._

At that, he couldn’t help but glance towards Bastian and mutter fondly, “Bullshit.”

“What did you say?” Bastian asked, popping his head into the living room.

“Nothing. How was your day?”

“The neighbors came over.”

Lukas suddenly felt wary, especially once he caught Bastian’s smirk. “And?”

“Well, apparently, they came over to check up on us because they were worried about last night—,” he emphasized that part in particular and arched his eyebrow at him, “—and, they couldn’t believe that nothing was wrong after all that noise we made.”

“ _You_ made,” he corrected.

“Yep. Congratulations. Really. Well done.”

Groaning internally, he shook his head and swore, “Such bullshit.”

He closed the book completely.

.

A/N: AHHH. Why am I like this. Hope you enjoyed it. Remember that I wrote fluff and use it to appease yourself when there’s drama in SotU… What. No. I didn’t say anything. Took hours but they finally let me access ao3. :// 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The more you know. No one except Lukas can tell me otherwise without a ridiculously cute story/picture to go along with it. Excuse me while I go spend the rest of my holiday writing more fic instead of showing my friends I’m alive. Break well spent, right?


End file.
